The Back Story
At 34 one would think that I would be a grown up. If someone knows what that is please fill me in so that I may figure it out. Because, if I am completely honest, I have no idea. I have a degree and a job. I own my own home. I am not married but I do have a live in boyfriend. I don't have any children but my boyfriend does. So is this grown up? How about the fact that I believe I am still in love with my college boyfriend? What type of person does that make me? Does that make me a monster? Sometimes I feel like I am. My ex, is who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and have children with. I was young and hadn't found myself but wanted my life to be with him. I ruined it. I'm not so stupid to believe that he didn't play a part in it. He did, but I can recognize now what part I played. I "needed" him. I was very dependent on him and the life that I wanted with him. I hadn't yet figured out how to be my own person, like really on my own. It's amazing what over ten years can teach you. And bring to light. I enjoy my own company and the time that I get to be alone.
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